Control anger before it controls you

This is for anyone who wants to learn how to deal with anger in a constructive and healthy way. Learn how you can go beyond anger in a positive.


Dealing with anger and understand why you feel the way you do. Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.

When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure goes up.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You can become angry because of stress, emotional problems, financial problems, relationship problems, work colleagues, peoples attitude towards you and something as simple as a traffic jam.

The instinctive way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural adaptive response to threats: it inspires powerful and often aggressive feelings and behavior. This allows you to fight and to defend yourself. Therefore, a certain amount of anger is necessary to survival.

Sometimes your anger and frustration are caused by very real problems within your life. However, not all anger is misplaced and often it can be healthy and a natural response to these difficulties.

There is also a belief that every problem has a solution and this adds to you frustration to find out that is not always the case.

The best way to deal with anger is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Below are five steps that will help you go beyond anger.


Step one Recognizing stress.

Stress and anger tend to go hand in hand. The higher your stress levels, the easier it is to allow your anger to become out of control. So when you feel stressed try to understand why. Take a long walk, take time out to relax and do thing that will calm you down before you start on the problem in hand.


Step two respond instead of reacting.

I expect you have had many a situation when you become angry because you find people and situations that push your buttons. Instead of reacting with anger, learn to choose how to deal with the situation. In other words, respond rather than automatically losing it.

There are many advantages in learning how to go beyond anger and at the top of the list is empowerment. It just feels good and powerful to know that you are in charge of your response, rather than being controlled by others or circumstances. Most of you will notice that your anger level goes down as the feeling of empowerment goes up.


Step three is about communication.

Good communication skills are an essential ingredient to anger because poor communication causes untold emotional hurt, misunderstandings, and conflict. Words are powerful, but the message you convey to others is even more powerful and can often determine how others will respond to you and how you feel towards them. Expressing anger towards others is often a misguided way of communication.


Step four Expectations.

Have you ever been told your expectations are too high? Anger and stress can often be caused when you do not reach your expectations. So therefore, make you expectations at a level you know you can achieve.


Step Five forgive but do not forget.

To deal with anger can often be the result of a grievance you hold towards another or a situation, usually because of your perceptions of having been wronged by them in some way.

Resentment is a form of anger that can do more damage to the holder than the offender.

When you hold a grudge, you are letting the offender live rent free in your head. Making the decision to let go of the grudge is a process of forgiveness or at least acceptance and is a major step towards anger control.

Research shows that you are not capable of resolving conflict or thinking rationally in an argument when your stress levels reach a certain point.

To avoid losing control either physically or verbally it is often best to take time out. To deal with angry use words they works best if you commit to working things out and working on your self-talk while trying to cool down.