Learning To Talk Will Save Your Marriage

Learning to talk in a marriage means listening and talking together.

 

Couples in a relationship can feel increasingly isolated and are expected to manage their lives and families without the community supports that in the past were a primary resource in raising children and meeting family needs.

 

As a couple now you are less bound by family traditions and are freer than ever before to develop relationships unlike those of the families that you were raised in. With less support and help available and add external pressures, you are more likely to lose touch with your partner. Learning to talk in a marriage can help your marriage last.

 

You need to stand back and reflect on the interaction between yourself and your partner and realize how your own actions and behavior can have an impact on your partner or how your partner's actions and behavior can have an impact on you, learning to talk means telling your partner if you are unhappy.

 

One person in the partnership cannot make the other feel something. Ones feeling are under one's own control, if you are angry; you should say "I am angry because "you should not say you made me angry.

 

You should ask questions so you can make sure you understand what your partner is saying. Be willing to look at a situation from every angle. Explain yourself by giving as much information as your partner needs so they can understand your point of view. You cannot expect your partner to read your mind.

 

Empathize you do this by putting yourself in your partners shoes. How would "I feel if I was married to me?" Feel what they are feeling and let them know you are taking notice "I understand that you are upset"

 

Express yourself, say what you mean and mean what you say. Be clear and to the point.

Both parties need to understand that by changing themselves they can indeed change their relationship. Self- awareness and self- responsibility are the first steps by learning to talk you will sort out problems and avoid any conflict.

 

You need to understand that you cannot change your partner, but if you change your behavior the other will almost certainly react differently, and there is more opportunity for a successful outcome.

 

A helpful exercise is for you both to take turns in talking for about five minutes without intervention whist the other partner listeners and digests what is being said. At the end of the five minutes the listener summarizes everything that has been said and a further two minutes is given to the talker clarifying anything that has not been picked up.

 

This gives each of you a set time to be heard. The goal is to help you understand that learning to talk in a marriage involves learning to speak and listen in ways that increase shared understanding and problem solving. Both must acknowledge the problem and have a shared desire in doing something about it.

 

Below are some guide lines.

 

1. Talk about what you want and feel rather than concentrate on your partner short-comings.
2. Make clear statements like "I want" instead of "you always".
3. Stay focused on the issue without getting side tracked.
4. Avoid threats.
5. Do not monopolies the conversation.

 

As the listener you should always be able to summaries what the other person thinks and feels. Start learning to talk together right now.